This is one of those student essays that truly surprised me with it’s intelligent, natural style and maturity in how it deals with its subject matter.  In it, you’ll find clever uses of clichés, effective parallel constructions, and some creative twists on a familiar theme.  If I were to criticize the essay for anything, it might be the lack of specific or illustrative detail – things the Definition Essay Scoring Guide clearly requires.  Nevertheless, the overall effect of this essay is so powerful, it would be silly to let one weakness bring the paper out of the A range.  Mouse over the footnotes to see my comments.

 

Love

            It is the spark of countless stories, the reason wars are fought, and the answer to the quest for peace[D1] .  Money can’t buy it, and it’s all you need[D2] . It is love, an integral part of the human experience.  Love is a commonality between men which is shared in the same way that we share the experience of breathing.  But while we understand the concept, our response to the word can be anything from a sympathetic pat on the shoulder to a high five of congratulations. For love is a contradiction, a state of being that simultaneously evokes exhilaration, despair, joy and derision.   What is love that it produces such violent and varied reaction? [D3] 

           Love is a strong feeling of affection or an attachment to another person.  Scientists explain it as a biological response to the body’s production of pheromones.  But, biological function or mystical experience, humans recognize it as the most wonderful feeling in the world.  In fact, love is so consuming that the English language describes it not simply as an emotion, but as a state of being which transports the individual to a special spot distant from the rest of the world.  You are “in love” and you arrived at this destination by “falling” there.[D4] 

       When a person is in love, nothing else matters.  Love brings a sense of euphoria that has been likened to floating on air.  This feeling of well being is matched with physical reactions such as rapid pulse, fever, and sweaty palms. The individual is in a heightened state of excitement and self-absorption.  But, perhaps the most compelling part of love is the connection it establishes between individuals[D5] . Love brings a sense of belonging to another, a sharing of hearts.  Anthropologists might explain this desire to share love as a human need to belong to the tribe.  Lovers know it as a bond that cannot be compared to any other kind of relationship. “There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved.” (Unknown) 

            The search for true love is the basis for some of the world’s great literature.  And, as literature reflects life, many people focus their lives on finding love; the desire for love is what keeps them going.  They search for that one special person who will bring them complete happiness.

            Love is an act of faith[D6] .  It requires trust and conviction.  There is no method to measure or test love; those who love must accept the word of another that their love is shared.   The people who believe love is worth searching for are those that have been fortunate enough to experience love in their lives.  They have felt that feeling of caring for someone so much they would do anything for them.  Their love for that person is what keeps then hoping and believing in life.  They know that to be truly happy, to fill that hole in their life, they must find that special person to share their life

            Love is worth the search.  Feelings of affection and devotion that love brings are irreplaceable and untouchable.  Being in love can touch a person’s life forever and leave an imprint never to be forgotten.  There is no other feeling that can compare to love. It’s true: “ All you need is love.”[D7] 


 [D1]Right away we see an eloquent and effective parallel structure.  Notice how the balanced phrases flow smoothly and create a sense of depth and repetition.

 [D2]Then, she hits us with two classic Beatles quotes, also in parallel structure.

 [D3]I usually don’t encourage the thesis question, but you have to admit that it works very well.  It just sounds right!

 [D4]I think this is wonderfully clever! It is a truly unique observation in defining love.

 [D5]All through this paragraph, notice how she is clarifying the various elements of love.  This is typical of a good definition essay.  You would also see this technique in the Classification and Illustrative essays.

 [D6]Excellent development as she saves the most powerful and compelling aspects of love for last. This is good organization technique.

 [D7]Appropriate ending!